Crotchety Old Man

I think I know this guy, or at least his brother and/or father. Sam the Quarter Man lived on Baldwin Street when I was a boy in Toronto, and had an obsession with collecting quarters. He apparently had thousands of dollars worth when he died, he jingled when he walked. If a Baldwin Street shopkeeper (we had a leather craft store at the time) didn't give him a quarter when he asked, he'd get visibly annoyed. Always smoked big, smelly, cheap cigars, and was altogether foul mouthed and snarly. I vividly remember he put cigar ash on the forearm of my friend, Alice Burdick, sending her home in tears.

Anyway, pointless personal anecdote notwithstanding, Robert Smith sounds like a relative of Sam the Quarter Man. Summary: two blind or nearly blind folk meet on the sidewalk, and play a game of chicken, with a few cane smacks thrown in for good measure.

globeandmail.com: Woman, 76, attacked with a cane – but she was able

Walburga Schaller is 76 years old, blind in one eye, has an artificial hip and severe arthritis, and walks with a cane. But she isn't afraid of a scrap. Just ask Robert Smith.

Ms. Schaller and Mr. Smith had never met until a spring afternoon in June, 2005, when they both set off on errands on the same west Toronto street. Ms. Schaller was going to the bank near her home and she took her usual path on the right-hand side of the sidewalk.
...
First came an exchange of insults, then obscenities.

Cherie Coyle, who lived nearby and watched the altercation, testified in court that Mr. Smith and Ms. Schaller soon began hitting each other with their canes, both landing several blows.

Finally, Mr. Smith walked around Ms. Schaller. As he went by, Ms. Schaller said he pushed her shoulder and she called him a “bastard.”

Mr. Smith then whacked her one last time with his cane near her collar bone, according to court files. He hit her so hard his cane shattered into pieces and Ms. Schaller fell to the ground. A bystander helped her up and called the police. Mr. Smith was arrested and charged with assault.

In court, Mr. Smith acknowledged hitting Ms. Schaller but insisted he was acting in self defence. He testified that he'd bought the cane that day for $14 “and that it was cheap and possibly filled with termites.”

...“He looked me straight in the eye and said ‘You old bitch, fuck yourself,'” Ms. Schaller said, recalling her testimony in court.

“I couldn't believe it. I was stunned. I never knew the guy. I never saw him in my life and I told him, ‘No, you fuck yourself.'”

According to the court file, Mr. Smith folded his arms, rested his cane on one arm and said: “I have all day.”

I do so love Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird, I could probably poach tales from it on a daily basis.

Tags: Toronto