Did she give herself a pseudonym? 
malkin (MO-kin, MAL-kin) noun
1. An untidy woman; a slattern.2. A scarecrow or a grotesque effigy.
3. A mop made of a bundle or rags fastened to a stick.
Ummm, no comment (not safe for some offices).
(repost, because of this funny tale, which seems to be resolved, well sorta. Boycott the grease, says skippy!, and we tend to agree. Dunkin’ Donuts is a Carlyle Group holding anyway.)