Category: humor

Laughter is the best medicine

Frak That

Seth Anderson0 comment


“Battlestar Galactica – Razor (Unrated Extended Edition)” (Universal Studios)

I use frack often, actually, though I probably should use it more often.

Lee Goldberg thinks Glen A. Larson is a genius, and not because the prolific television writer and producer gave us “Knight Rider” and “B.J. and the Bear.”

Jamie Bamber gets plenty of chances to say “frak” in “Battlestar Galactica.”

It was Larson who first used the faux curse word “frak” in the original “Battlestar Galactica.” The word was mostly overlooked back in the ’70s series but is working its way into popular vocabulary as SciFi’s modern update winds down production.

“All joking aside, say what you will about what you might call the lowbrow nature of many of his shows, he did something truly amazing and subversive, up there with what Steven Bochco gets credit for, with ‘frak,’ ” Goldberg said.

There’s no question what the word stands for and it’s used gleefully, as many as 20 times in some episodes.

“And he was saying it 30 years ago in the original goofy, god-awful ‘Battlestar Galactica,’ ” said Goldberg

[From The curse word ‘Battlestar Galactica’ created – CNN.com]

I spell it ‘frack‘ and not ‘frak‘, but the meaning is obviously the same: fuck.

The word has even appeared in the funny pages where Dilbert muttered a disconsolate “frack” — the original spelling before producers of the current show changed it to a four-letter word — after a particularly dumb order from his evil twit of a boss

Dilbert Fracked

Dilbert Fracked


[click to embiggen]

“Dilbert” creator Scott Adams calls the word “pure genius.”

“At first I thought ‘frak’ was too contrived and it bothered me to hear it,” Adams said. “Over time it merged in my mind with its coarser cousin and totally worked. The creators ingeniously found a way to make viewers curse in their own heads — you tend to translate the word — and yet the show is not profane.”

Best-selling novelist Robert Crais slips the word into the prologue of his latest Elvis Cole mystery, “Chasing Darkness.” He did it because “Galactica” is his favorite show, like calling out in the wilderness to his fellow fans. But he sees the word popping up everywhere, even among those who have never watched the show.

“It’s viral, it spreads like a virus,” Crais said. “That first wave of people who use it are all fans. They use it because they’re tickled by it and like me they’re paying an homage to the show. When they’re using it, they’re probably doing it with a sly wink. But as it gets heard and people use it, it spreads.”

McCain and his never-ending housing gaffes

Seth Anderson0 comment

Astute observers of politics already realized that the Republican candidates are always elites, as are, by definition, nearly every politician. However, in our current toothless media climate, simply asserting that one is a thing1 and not another2 is generally enough for the assertion3 to get repeated endlessly on the talking head circuit. Vetting a candidates statement is a vestige of the old days, when the Fourth Estate served a different master – the citizenry – not their corporate overlords. Anyway, John McCain’s gaffe4 was so obvious the press had a field day. Daily Kos’ DemFromCT has compiled at least 10 stories covering the topic. Bwwwaahahaha…

Special Edition of John McCain and his seven eight houses. Do not swim with sharks while you cut your own jugular. See what happens when you do:

…

Ouch. If this were a prize fight, the ref would call it. But it’s politics, so he’ll just keep bleeding.

Note to the press… McCain and his campaign continue to make huge gaffes and unforced errors, such as showing up late at Saddleback, attacking Andrea Mitchell, overdoing the POW defense, etc. Meanwhile, Obama’s doing a great job managing the VP roll-out. Yeah, I know, the media narrative is that Democrats are always nervous and reactive, and Republicans are always efficient and confident, but look beyond the labels at this one.

[From Daily Kos: Your Abbreviated Pundit Round-up: Special Edition]

Video, with images of the houses, and a Cat Power soundtrack:
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhuMgUkiVOY

 

[bushism]

Footnotes:
  1. thanks to Bishop Joseph Butler [↩]
  2. though the full quote is “Every thing is what it is, and not another thing.” [↩]
  3. in this case, that Obama is an elite, and McCain is a common man. Yeah, right. [↩]
  4. he wasn’t sure how many million dollar homes he actually owned – was it seven? Eight? Four? [↩]

Semicolon Users of the World Unite!

Seth Anderson4 Comments

Blog posts don’t really lend themselves to heavy semicolon use; I have a fondness for the little things1 .

It is a debate you could only really have in a country that accords its intellectuals the kind of status other nations – to name no names – tend to reserve for footballers, footballers’ wives or (if they’re lucky) rock stars; a place where structuralists and relativists and postmodernists, rather than skulk shamefacedly in the shadows, get invited on to primetime TV; a culture in which even today it is considered entirely acceptable, indeed laudable, to state one’s profession as “thinker”.

That country is France, which is currently preoccupied with the fate of its ailing semicolon.

Encouragingly, a Committee for the Defence of the Semicolon appeared on the web (only to disappear some days later, which cannot be a very good sign). Articles have been written in newspapers and magazines. The topic is being earnestly discussed on the radio. It was even the subject of an April Fool’s joke on a leading internet news site, which claimed, perfectly plausibly, that President Nicolas Sarkozy had just decreed that to preserve the poor point-virgule from an untimely end, it must henceforth be used at least three times a page in all official correspondence.

In the red corner, desiring nothing less than the consignment of the semicolon to the dustbin of grammatical history, are a pair of treacherous French writers and (of course) those perfidious Anglo-Saxons, for whose short, punchy, uncomplicated sentences, it is widely rumoured, the rare subtlety and infinite elegance of a good semicolon are surplus to requirements. The point-virgule, says legendary writer, cartoonist and satirist François Cavanna, is merely “a parasite, a timid, fainthearted, insipid thing, denoting merely uncertainty, a lack of audacity, a fuzziness of thought”.

…

In the blue corner are an array of linguistic patriots who cite Hugo, Flaubert, De Maupassant, Proust and Voltaire as examples of illustrious French writers whose respective oeuvres would be but pale shadows of themselves without the essential point-virgule, and who argue that – in the words of one contributor to a splendidly passionate blog on the topic hosted recently by the leftwing weekly Le Nouvel Observateur – “the beauty of the semicolon, and its glory, lies in the support lent by this particular punctuation mark to the expression of a complex thought”.

The semicolon, continues this sadly anonymous defender of the Gallic grammatical faith, “finds its rightful home in the subtlety of a fine and rich analysis, one which is not afraid to pronounce – and sometimes to withhold – judgment where mere affirmation might be found wanting. It allows the writer to link ideas without breaking a train of thought; by contrast, over-simplified communication and bald, efficient discourse whose simplistic style is the best guarantee of being widely understood is naturally wary of this punctuation mark.”

[From Jon Henley on the fate of the semicolon | The Guardian ]

I may have a fondness for an occasional semicolon; the French have taken the debate to a level well beyond my interest level.

Footnotes:
  1. I am probably using semicolons wrong – in my mind, two sentences or clauses can be joined with a semicolon if the sentences have a close relationship, and the semicolon could be replaced by a “but”, “yet” or similar conjuctions [↩]

Kaufman’s alter ego Tony Clifton is back

swanksalot0 comment

The Return of Tony Clifton and his Orchestra

Tony Clifton may well be the rudest, crudest, most musically talentless lounge lizard ever to stalk a stage. But for those of a certain age and/or sensibility, he is an entertainer nonpareil.

As part of a national tour, his performing prowess will be showcased starting Thursday at the Chopin Theatre, 1543 W. Division. Accompanied by the Katrina Kiss My Ass Orchestra, the bellicose balladeer will croon from a vast repertoire of Sinatra, Lynyrd Skynyrd and even Led Zeppelin to raise funds for Gulf Coast artists who were hit by the hurricane.

“This is an amazing, amazing showman,” says Clifton’s longtime pal Dennis Hof, who owns the Moonlite BunnyRanch brothel in Carson City, Nev., where Clifton is said to be a frequent guest and winter boarder. “And he’s the last of his kind.”

Hof met Clifton a few decades back, when the late hooker-loving comedian Andy Kaufman would swing by the cathouse (which then bore a different name) with his Chicago-born friend Bob Zmuda, who now runs the charity Comic Relief.

In those “crazy” times, Hof says, Andy wasn’t always himself.

“I remember one time, Andy partied with 18 girls in two days,” he remembers. “And sometimes it was Tony.”

[Click to read more of Kaufman’s alter ego Tony Clifton is all trick and no treat :: CHICAGO SUN-TIMES :: Entertainment]

Chopin Theater

Get Paid

Seth Anderson3 Comments

Harlan Ellison tells us, “Get Paid”! Applies to photography (no more freebies if there’s an option), music, writing, everything. Especially when a corporation as wealthy as Warner Bros is asking for free content, why should they get it?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj5IV23g-fE

(Note, Harlan Ellison uses many, many NSFW words, so adjust your viewing accordingly)

Squatters: Obama’s In-box

Seth Anderson0 comment

This cracks me up.

July 27, 2004, a friend invited Guru Raj to create a Google e-mail account. A recent graduate of the University of Virginia, Raj, then twenty-one, was watching the Democratic National Convention on a television in his parents’ basement, in Norcross, Georgia. The beta version of Gmail—available by invitation only—was less than four months old at the time, and largely unproved, but Raj’s U.V.A. e-mail account was set to expire in a few weeks, so he decided to give Gmail a try.

At first, Raj tried to create an address using his own name, but, remarkably, both gururaj@gmail.com and rajguru@gmail.com were already taken. So he tried the name of the young senator from Illinois who was giving the Democratic keynote address on TV. To his surprise, it worked, and, moments later, barackobama@gmail.com was quietly born. “I’m not some cute little Indian boy who grew up in America with political aspirations,” Raj, the first in his family to be born an American citizen, said recently. “I just thought it would be kind of funny to create an e-mail address based on a random senator whose name no one could spell.”

Over the next four years, as Gmail became the third most popular Webmail provider in the U.S. and Obama became a serious contender for the next President of the United States, Raj used the account for his personal e-mail. In the fall of 2006, he received, for the first time, a message intended for the Senator. By February, 2007, when Obama formally announced his candidacy, Raj was daily receiving dozens of misdirected notes from all over the world.

[Click to read more of Squatters: Obama’s In-box: The Talk of the Town: The New Yorker]

I’ll bet a lot of crazy stuff gets sent to that email address.

Wisconsin Crazy for Brett Favre

swanksalot0 comment

Visible to visitors to/from Roswell

ELEVA, Wis. – Carlene and Duane Schultz decided to use Brett Favre’s image in their corn maze after he announced his retirement in the spring. And even though Favre’s desire to be released from the Packers has created controversy, Carlene Schultz thinks people will be open to going through the maze when it opens Sept. 1.

The maze at Schultz’s Country Barn in Eleva reads “thanks” and shows Favre’s upper body holding a football, with his No. 4 jersey.

[From Wisconsin family creates maze to thank Brett Favre – Yahoo! News]

I still hate football.

The best God joke ever

Seth Anderson3 Comments

I’ve been reciting an Emo Phillips one liner for years1, happy to know he’s the author of this God joke too.

This morning I received thrilling news: a joke I wrote more than 20 years ago has been voted the funniest religious joke of all time! In case you’ve missed it, here it is:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

Two things, however, have slightly tarnished my thrill.

First, the website that conducted the poll, Ship of Fools, did not attribute me as the author. Arghhhhh! Sure, it has been quite a while since I performed it. And true, I’m not on TV all the time like some comedians I could name if I watched TV all the time. But come on, guys! The slightest Google search! But back in the day … ah, my friends! That joke and I astounded the world! Everywhere I played, in the largest of British theatres, the audiences clamoured for it! I told it not once but twice on British television. A few years ago it was voted by my peers as one of the top 75 jokes of all time. It has been anthologized in several joke books, most recently in Italian; the translator gave me a copy a few weeks ago after one of my shows. He pointed the joke out, without telling me which it was … but I immediately recognised my old friend by the word “ponte”.

Second, I learned why Ship of Fools was running the poll … to shed light on the possible effect if the British government goes ahead with its intention to outlaw “offensive” religious jokes. Such a law would be a bad idea, for the simple reason that jokes are how we humans avoid violence. Jokes are our safety-release mechanism. Sure they can sometimes be offensive. So can burps. But if you ban them even worse results happen. And believe me, if someone tells a joke that truly offends, he or she will be punished for it. That’s one area for sure where the government can take it easy and relax.

[From The best God joke ever – and it’s mine! | | guardian.co.uk Arts]

And yes, blog acting weird still, it’s not just you. Patience, my friends.

Footnotes:
  1. “I was walking down the street; something caught my eye… and dragged it fifteen feet.” [↩]

Shiny Happy Media

swanksalot2 Comments

Cancer memorial park detail

From the Department of Could Be Worse News…

BUCHAREST (AFP) – Upbeat news would have to make up half of all newscasts on all of Romania’s radio and television stations, under legislation adopted unanimously Wednesday in the senate.

“News programmes on TV and radio shall contain, in the same proportion, news with positive and negative themes,” states the legislation, which is going to President Traian Basescu for adoption.

[From Equal time for happy news on Romania TV, radio – Yahoo! News]

As Chuck Shepherd notes, the flip side of this bill is that the other half of the news is, by law, required to be negative.

George Carlin and Lenny Bruce

Seth Anderson2 Comments


“The Trials of Lenny Bruce: The Fall and Rise of An American Icon” (Ronald K. L. Collins, David M. Skover)

Regional news outlets can find any national event and find the angle that links the story to the local market. Apparently, George Carlin got his second start in Chicago (or not, the NYT Obit claims Carlin started doing darker, topical humor in 1970, quite a few years past 1962)

The show was on a Tuesday night, Dec. 4, 1962, at the Gate of Horn, 1036 N. State, according to the Sun-Times report the next morning. One of the vice detectives checking out the show described it this way: “We were there about a half hour when Bruce appeared on the stage and from the first few minutes of his routine the air turned blue. Every other word [was] a four-letter one, and he spared nobody, including the clergy and the police department in his abuse.”

According to The Trials of Lenny Bruce: The Fall and Rise of an American Icon by Ronald K.L. Collins and David M. Skover, one of the comic’s signature bits, “Christ and Moses, [YouTube with photo montage of Bruce and audio recording of this bit]” was the bridge too far for the cops. In this bit, the two holy men unexpectedly stop by St. Patrick’s Cathedral, causing a panicked Cardinal Spellman to beg the pope’s help. (“We’re up to our ass in crutches and wheelchairs here!”)

At that point, the police stopped the show and arrested Bruce, charging him with “giving an obscene and lewd show.”

Also arrested were the club’s owner and bartender, as well as one George Carlin, 25, who refused to show ID. Carlin and Bruce shared a ride to the station in the back of a paddywagon, and when they were booked they both gave the same local address on East Delaware.

The incident left its mark on both comics. Carlin changed the tone of his comedy to be much more topical. He was arrested himself 10 years later in Milwaukee for performing his infamous “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television” routine.

“He was really a force for exposing hypocrisy,” Carlin said of Bruce in a radio interview. He later added: “Lenny Bruce opened the doors for all the guys like me; he prefigured the free-speech movement and helped push the culture forward into the light of open and honest expression.”

Bruce, meanwhile, was found guilty and later said this about our fair city: “Chicago is so corrupt, it’s thrilling.”

[From Carlin’s comedy was born in a Chicago paddywagon :: CHICAGO SUN-TIMES :: Entertainment]

Lenny Bruce, right as usual.

John Nichols of the Nation has a nice collection of Carlinisms. Like:

“Now, there’s one thing you might have noticed I don’t complain about: politicians,” [Carlin] explained in a routine that challenged all the premises of today’s half-a-loaf reformers. “Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck.

Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don’t fall out of the sky. They don’t pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It’s what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Term limits ain’t going to do any good; you’re just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans.

So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it’s not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here… like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There’s a nice campaign slogan for somebody: ‘The Public Sucks. Fuck Hope.‘”

and:

Recalling George Bush’s ranting about how the endless “war on terror” is a battle for freedom, Carlin echoed James Madison’s thinking with a simple question: “Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”

and a favorite of mine:

“The real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians, they’re an irrelevancy. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. They’ve got the judges in their back pockets. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. They’ve got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying – lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want; they want more for themselves and less for everybody else,” ranted the comedian whose routines were studied in graduate schools.

“But I’ll tell you what they don’t want,” Carlin continued. “They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them. That’s against their interests. They don’t want people who are smart enough to sit around the kitchen table and figure out how badly they’re getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fucking years ago. You know what they want? Obedient workers – people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork but just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, reduced benefits, the end of overtime and the vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. And, now, they’re coming for your Social Security. They want your fucking retirement money. They want it back, so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. And you know something? They’ll get it. They’ll get it all, sooner or later, because they own this fucking place. It’s a big club, and you ain’t in it. You and I are not in the big club.”

George Carlin, RIP

Seth Anderson0 comment


“Class Clown” (George Carlin)

Any student of American language and culture should have a moment of silence for the passing of one of the greats, George Carlin.

George Carlin, the Grammy-Award winning standup comedian and actor who was hailed for his irreverent social commentary, poignant observations of the absurdities of everyday life and language, and groundbreaking routines like “Seven Words You Can Never Use on Television,” died in Los Angeles on Sunday, according to his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He was 71.

The cause of death was heart failure, according to Mr. Abraham.

[snip]

In 1970, Mr. Carlin discarded his suit, tie, and clean-cut image as well as the relatively conventional material that had catapulted him to the top. Mr. Carlin reinvented himself, emerging with a beard, long hair, jeans and a routine that, according to one critic, was steeped in “drugs and bawdy language.” There was an immediate backlash. The Frontier Hotel in Las Vegas terminated his three-year contract, and, months later, he was advised to leave town when an angry mob threatened him at the Lake Geneva Playboy Club. Afterward, he temporarily abandoned the nightclub circuit and began appearing at coffee houses, folk clubs and colleges where he found a younger, hipper audience that was more attuned to both his new image and his material.

By 1972, when he released his second album, ”FM & AM,” his star was again on the rise. The album, which won a Grammy Award as best comedy recording, combined older material on the “AM” side with bolder, more acerbic routines on the “FM” side. Among the more controversial cuts was a routine euphemistically entitled “Shoot,” in which Mr. Carlin explored the etymology and common usage of the popular idiom for excrement. The bit was part of the comic’s longer routine “Seven Words That Can Never Be Said on Television,” which appeared on his third album “Class Clown,” also released in 1972.

“There are some words you can say part of the time. Most of the time ‘ass’ is all right on television,” Mr. Carlin noted in his introduction to the then controversial monologue. “You can say, well, ‘You’ve made a perfect ass of yourself tonight.’ You can use ass in a religious sense, if you happen to be the redeemer riding into town on one — perfectly all right.”

The material seems innocuous by today’s standards, but it caused an uproar when broadcast on the New York radio station WBAI in the early seventies. The station was censured and fined by the FCC. And in 1978, their ruling was supported by the Supreme Court, which Time magazine reported, “upheld an FCC ban on ’offensive material’ during hours when children are in the audience.” Mr. Carlin, refused to drop the bit and was arrested several times after reciting it on stage.

[From George Carlin, Irreverent Comedian, Dies at 71 – Obituary (Obit) – NYTimes.com]

A true talent who will be missed.